When the Past Comes Flooding Back
by Moosagi
Summary: When Kate is posted onto the Hammersley, both Mike and Kate have to come to terms with what they lost all those years ago. Will they be able to do it? Or will everything fall apart?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Sea Patrol or any of its characters do not belong to me.

Mike let out a frustrated sigh as he signed off the last of the paperwork. He hated today. Hated everything about it from the way people spoke to him in the mornings to the time he spent alone at night before going to sleep. That time was what he hated most. When there was nothing to keep him busy from thinking about his past.

He couldn't help but let out another sigh as he filed the paperwork, hoping that he would be getting a new executive officer soon to lessen the burden. Finally done, he stretched out hearing his joints crack, relieved that he was done for the night. He looked at his watch. 6:30. There was still another five and a half hours before today was over. He did not want to spend that time alone. There was no one left on the ship. They had all headed to the pub and that's where he decided he should be. He finally stood up and walked off the ship looking forward to drowning the sorrows of his past in a beer, if not something stronger.

Swain ran into the pub, slightly late after hearing some good news from his wife. He looked around for his crew mates seeing them over at the regular table.

He ran over, interrupting the conversation with his burst of, "I'M GOING TO BE A DAD!!"

The pub went silent. The faces of his shocked mates stared at him before they all simultaneously burst into grins and slapped him on the back congratulating him.

"Next rounds on Swain. Proud father to be!!" yelled Chefo.

As celebrations went on around them, Buffer sat back with Charge.

"Did you notice how strange the boss was acting today?" Buffer muttered to Charge.

"Yeah. He seemed really moody and snappy. There is always something about today. This happens nearly every year," Charge replied.

"Come on boy's join in!" ET said as he grabbed both their arms and pulled them towards the bar.

Mike entered the pub, already knowing the crew was there from the noise that was coming from the bar. He headed over, wanting to know what had his crew all riled up.

"Sir!" Chefo came bounding over with two beers. He shoved one into Mike's hand before raising his glass to Swain.

"To Swain! Hammersley's proud father to be!" Chefo yelled.

The entire crew echoed Chefo's toast before sculling their glasses of beer. Mike couldn't help but feel slightly jealous at Swain's news but went over and congratulated him all the same. As the cheers went up around him again, Mike knew he had to get the crew quietened down a bit or they'd all risk getting kicked out of the pub.

"Oi, you lot! Let's quieten down a bit and let the public enjoy their drinks too!" Mike yelled, hoping to get the attention of the crew.

Many of them gave sheepish looks before pulling up chairs and sitting back down. By the time he'd gotten the last few raucous ones (ET and Chefo) sat down, Mike found he didn't have a chair. He turned to the closest table, where a blonde was sitting, to ask if he could take the chair.

"Sure go ahead," the blonde replied quite dully, before looking up.

Mike would recognise her anywhere, "Kate? Kate McGregor?"

Her eyes widened as she recognised him, "Mike."

Her voice came out barely a whisper, but he could hear the pain and sadness behind it.

Of all the days to see her it had to be today.

Yep. He really hated today. December 10th.


	2. Chapter 2

As Kate drove into the driveway of her new apartment she hoped that no one wanted to talk to her or visit her. She wanted to be alone. Especially today. She hated today. Hated it that she wasn't able to be with him. She hated him for not being with her. He didn't stay to help her. He left. He left her to sort things out on her own and she hated him for that. She hated what today reminded her of and every year for the last 4 years she tried to forget. She tried to move on and most times she tried it through a bottle of vodka. She opened the door to her new apartment. She had no idea what it looked like. She bought it unseen. She flopped on the couch. With her eyes shut, his face drifted across her mind. Her heart pained at the site of him and she couldn't deal with it. Not today. She looked at her watch. 4:30. Not too early to start drowning her sorrows in vodka. She stood up and left her apartment and started looking for a quiet place to drink.

The pub wasn't too big and it seemed quiet enough. She thought she had chosen well until a loud bunch of people walked in. She couldn't help but let out a frustrated sigh at the amount of noise they were making. She looked at her watch and was surprised at the amount of time that had already passed. 6:00. Only six more hours of today. The hurt and pain wasn't as bad through the rest of the year. Only ever today.

"I'M GOING TO BE A DAD!!"

She threw a glare at the group wishing that they would shut up. She wanted peace and quiet. She didn't want to hear that other people were living the life she wished she had.

"Next rounds on Swain. Proud father to be!!"

She couldn't help but think Swain was a weird name. But then again she'd been hearing weird names from them all night. Then again, they could be nicknames. She knew once she'd been appointed to a new boat, she'd be getting a nickname. Looking over the strange group and from the way they were acting she decided they must be in the Navy. The names she'd been hearing would account for it. She let out another frustrated sigh. Hopefully she wouldn't be with them. She liked her privacy and from the looks of it, they weren't a very private bunch.

She signalled for another drink. She knew she was close to being drunk and soon they would stop serving her and most likely send her home. To her dark apartment, where she would be all alone. She shuddered. She didn't want that. Not at the moment. Not today. If anything she wanted to be with him. Have his arms around her as he comforted her through today. But she knew it wasn't going to happen. She was likely never to see him again.

She couldn't help but think about him. Now she had been posted to a small ship, and him being a small ships person, she wondered if she might see him around. She wondered if he was even posted here. It was unlikely. There were lots of people in the Navy and Australia was a large country. She couldn't help but wonder where he was or what he was doing. Did he have trouble getting through today? Did he ever think about her as much as she thought about him?

"Excuse me but could I have this seat?"

She replied as icily as she could, annoyed that someone would distract her like this. But it came out as dully as possible. She looked up hoping to scare the person off with a glare but when she saw who it was, she felt like her heart had been ripped open, like and old wound reopening.

"Kate? Kate McGregor?"

Her heart pained even more as she heard her name from him. But then she remembered the hurt from his abandonment.

"Mike."

Saying his name brought back all the old memories and all the pain and hurt. She felt tears gathering in her eyes and couldn't help but think of how much she hated today.

Yep she definitely hated today. December 10.


	3. Chapter 3

Mike couldn't believe she was here, in Darwin. He thought that when he'd left her all those years ago that he'd never see her again. But here she was, right in front of him. He sat, unable to take his eyes off her but not knowing what to say to her.

She spoke first, "It's been a long time."

He could hear the tremble in her voice as she spoke. He glanced at her and could see how she was trying to hold back tears. Today, of all days was the day he had to see her.

"Yeah," was all he could think to reply, "How have you been?"

Kate felt her eyes mist as he asked her that question. She really wondered how much sense this man had. Of all days to ask her a question like this, he had to ask today. She glanced at him and saw that he seemed to have no other interest in her other than someone catching up with an old friend. She couldn't deal with this. Not today.

She shook her head, "I'm sorry Mike. I can't deal with this today...with you being here. I'm sorry."

She hastily stood up, accidentally knocking over her drink before rushing out of the pub.

Mike sat, dumbfounded at how quickly she just left him. He wasn't going to give up. He rushed out after her. He wasn't going to spend tonight alone. Not anymore.

"Kate!"

He watched as she half ran and half stumbled down the street. She shouldn't be out alone in her state. He knew that she had had one too many.

"Kate! Stop!"

He ran after her, catching up to her quickly.

"Kate."

She turned around and he saw the tears running down her face.

"Why'd you leave me? Do you know how much I suffered after you left? I couldn't handle it. Losing the baby and then you," she sobbed.

His heart broke at the sound of her sobs, "I'm so sorry Kate, I really am, but you didn't make it easy for me either. You kept pushing me away anytime I tried to help. What was I meant to do?"

"Stay with me," she whispered.

He didn't know what to say. She had pushed him away after their son had drowned one afternoon. He tried to help her, to comfort her through the grief whilst trying to deal with it himself. But she just kept pushing him away to the point that he accepted a new posting in Darwin.

"Kate, I'm sorry. I'm here now. I can help you now."

She looked up at him, not knowing what to say.

"I've been posted up here you know. I found out tomorrow what ship I've been assigned to."

Mike was surprised at this. "So you're staying in Darwin then?"

She nodded, a small nod but one all the same. He couldn't help but feel his heart leap for joy. Maybe things could get better. Maybe they could go back and fix everything that went wrong. And maybe she would let him into her heart again.

"Kate," he whispered, "Let me take you home. You're in no state to go home on your own."

She accepted, knowing he was right. She couldn't help but feel slightly apprehensive though. This was how they ended up together last time.

"Don't worry. I'll just give you a lift home. We can take it as slowly as you like," Mike said, as though he had read her thoughts. "I want to help you Kate. I can see the last few years have been hard on you and I can't help but feel it's my fault."

She looked at him. She didn't want him to blame himself but there was a small part of her yelling to make him suffer the same way she had suffered.

"Ok," she murmured, "I'll take a lift home."

She smiled at him, what felt to her like her first real genuine smile in awhile.

"Thanks"

"It's no problem at all Kate. I want you to know that."

They headed off towards his car, both wondering where this would end up heading.

The crew tried to hide and watch their CO with the strange, blonde woman.

"Who do you reckon she is?" ET asked.

"I don't know but I bet you there is some history between them," Chefo replied.

A small smirk made its way across his face.

"Who's willing to bet on that?"

"Chefo," Buffer groaned, "I don't think the boss's personal life is something we should be betting on."

"Come on Buffer," ET said. "There's no harm. Unless he finds out."

Nav looked at the boys, disgusted as they placed their bets.

"You really have no sense of privacy do you?"

The boys all shrugged sheepishly before they continued to place their bets. Nav watched the CO and the woman walk off. She felt like she had seen her somewhere before but couldn't really place it. She shrugged and decided she needed to somehow control the upcoming bet so the CO didn't find out about it, like he had all the others.


	4. Chapter 4

Kate couldn't help but feel a slight sense of apprehension as she headed up the steps to NavCom. Today she was receiving her new posting on one of the patrol boats. Even though she hated small boats, she would take this new assignment in stride as one more step towards her goal of getting the top job. However the seeds of doubt bloomed in her mind as she stopped near the entrance to the building. She couldn't help but wonder whether or not she would be able to handle being on a small ship in such close quarters with the rest of the crew, with little to no privacy. She shuddered, a mixture of fear and anticipation. Just as she gathered the courage to enter the building, she was almost knocked off her feet by someone from behind.

"Oh, I'm sorry I wasn't watching where I was going."

Kate turned; ready to rip into the person when she recognised him, "Mike!"

At the sight of her his eyes widened, "Kate, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to receive my new posting," she said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Right, well that would make sense," he replied, "Are you seeing Commander Marshall?"

She nodded her head, "Yeah I'm meeting him in 5 minutes."

"Well I have a meeting with him afterwards so I could walk you?" Mike asked, feeling like a schoolboy with a crush.

Kate couldn't help the smile that graced her face at his question. Although their history was relatively painful, she couldn't help but hope that maybe things were starting to look up in her life and that she was willing to chance another relationship with him.

She nodded her head, "Ok then."

Mike's heart leapt at her acceptation. After the rocky start between them the other night he knew he was far from forgiveness, but he knew that he was slowly being accepted into her life. He wouldn't push the chance to and he was not going to push her either. There was no definitely no way he would ruin this second chance. He would try to set things right between them then maybe, hopefully, they could look at maybe starting over.

"Right, well this way," he said, indicating towards the direction of the entrance to the building.

As they headed inside an awkward silence hung between them, neither really knowing what to say. They headed towards the receptionist desk.

"Ah excuse me," Mike spoke, breaking the receptionist from her work.

"Yes?"

"We're here to see Commander Marshall. If you could please let him know that Lieutenant Commander Flynn and..." Mike turned to Kate, not really knowing her rank.

Kate picked up on it quickly, "Lieutenant McGregor."

The receptionist nodded her head, "I'll let him know."

They sat down to wait. Mike turned to Kate and opened his mouth only to shut it again. He didn't know what to say to her. He couldn't think of what to say to someone who he hadn't seen in 5 years and with the history they had, he didn't know where to start.

"So, ah, the people you were with the other night, were they your crew?" Kate asked, hoping to break the awkward silence that had hung between them for too long.

Mike nodded his head, still lost in his thoughts but confirming what she already knew. Just as she opened her mouth to ask what boat he commanded the receptionist called out to the two, letting them know that the Commander would see them.

Kate followed Mike down the halls of NavCom, as she really had no idea where to go. Before she knew it they were standing outside Commander Marshall's office.

"Well, I suppose you should go in," Mike said, feeling like he was somehow about to lose her.

Kate nodded her head before turning to head in.

"Kate!"

She turned back to him.

"Good Luck," he said, with a smile.

She swooned slightly at his smile, which had always had that effect on her before returning it.

"Thanks."

She took a deep breath before heading in.

"Lieutenant McGregor?" Marshall asked.

Kate nodded, "Yes sir."

"Well, welcome to the north of Australia and our patrol boat division. You served on the HMAS Anzac?"

"Yes Sir."

"And what was the reason that you were sent here to serve on patrol boats?"

"I was informed that I required more experience on a different type of vessel, Sir."

"Ok then. Well you have been assigned to the HMAS Hammersley. She has 6 months before she will be decommissioned, so you should be returning to the big boats soon enough Lieutenant."

"Thankyou Sir. What will be my position on board sir?"

"You will be the executive officer. Lieutenant Commander Flynn has been pestering for a new XO for a few weeks now."

"Lieutenant Commander Flynn sir?" Kate was hoping that she heard wrong, that Mike would not be her commanding officer. The words that came out of Marshall's mouth shattered any hope she had of them rekindling their relationship.

"Yes. Lieutenant Commander Flynn will be your new commanding officer. You know of him?" Marshall was curious of how this new lieutenant knew of Mike.

"Ah yes sir. He taught a course I attended many years ago," Kate carefully replied, not wanting to let anything of their history slip.

"Ok then Lieutenant. Well, as he appears to be outside, so let me introduce you formally," Marshall said, guiding Kate to the door.

"Mike," Marshall said as he opened the door.

Mike quickly stood up, "Yes sir?" He threw a questioning look to Kate who seemed to ignore him.

"Mike, I would like you to meet your new executive officer, Lieutenant Kate McGregor."

At Marshall's words, Mike's heart shattered. There was no chance now.

He looked at Kate, "Lieutenant. Good to meet you."

He acknowledged her formally but his eyes told her of the pain he was in. However she would not meet his eyes.

"Sir, good to meet you too and I look forward to working under your command," Kate said, icily.

She turned to Marshall, "Sir if you don't mind I have a few personal matters to attend to. Is there anything else I need to know, sir?"

Marshall shook his head, "No Lieutenant. You're free to go."

"Thankyou."

She acknowledged both officers before briskly walking down the hall. Mike watched her leave, unable to help the pain that he felt as he watched her walk away from him.

"Well, looking over her history she really does appear to be quite a competent officer. You two should work together well. Right then Mike. I'll speak to you later," Marshall said as he headed back into his office.

Mike didn't take his eyes from where Kate had stood. He felt as though an entire chapter of his life had been closed without him wanting it to. And now he had to move on. He had lost her, just as he thought he would and any possible chance he had with her.


	5. Chapter 5

As Mike headed towards the Hammersley, he couldn't help but feel slightly nervous. He was going to see Kate today and although he had not spoken to her seen her since NavCom, he wanted to talk to her to see where they stood. He had tried calling her, but every time it went through to her voicemail, taking away a bit of hope every time it went through. He looked ahead to see the Hammersley coming closer and a sense of calm filled him, as seeing the ship always did. It was home and there was really nowhere else where he felt so calm. However, this feeling of calm was put into turmoil when he saw the blonde haired officer walking in front of him.

"Kate," he whispered under his breath before yelling out, "Kate!"

She turned to see him jogging after her. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. She had been trying to avoid him by purposely missing his calls, wanting to keep her personal life and private life separate. Now, they were mixing and as much as she didn't want to, she knew she had to get rid of one of them.

"Sir," she had to avoid flinching at how cold she sounded towards him. She looked away from him at the pain that was reflected in his eyes.

"Kate, listen. We need to talk about this, about us." He pleaded with her.

She opened her mouth to respond but was cut off by a call from the ship.

"Sir, the ship is prepared to leave. The crew is here and we are just waiting on you."

Mike turned to the woman on the ship. Kate turned, wanting to know who it was and recognised the face.

"Right Nav. Get the crew assembled on deck. I will be introducing our new executive officer," Mike told her as they headed onto the ship.

"We finally got one sir?" Nav asked.

"Yes we did," Mike replied. He turned to Kate, "Nav this is Lt. Kate McGregor. X, this is Lt. Nikki Caetano."

They acknowledged each other but Mike could feel the obvious tension between the two.

"Nav, I would like the crew assembled in five minutes," Mike said, breaking the tense silence.

Nav gave a terse nod before replying, "Yes Sir," and headed off for the bridge.

Mike turned to Kate and was about to ask about the tension between her and Nav, but Kate managed to get in first, "Sir, what exactly do my duties entail?"

"Well as 2IC you will mainly be leading boarding parties, taking over command if I am incapacitated and other such duties. You will also be sharing a cabin with Nav and you should also probably get use to the nickname X because that is what everyone will be calling you," Mike finished.

Kate nodded her head, "Yes sir, I understand."

Both had started to notice the crew assembling on the deck. Mike turned to Kate, "Well let's get you introduced."

It wasn't long before Kate found herself standing in front of the entire crew and she couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by nervousness.

"Crew. I would like to introduce our new executive officer to you. This is Lt. Kate McGregor. She has transferred from the frigates and so is unfamiliar with our small patrol boats. So please make her feel welcome," Mike finished.

Kate gave a small, nervous smile, not really knowing what else to do. She had heard about patrol boats, that the crew could be as tight and as close as a family and this scared her. She was an extremely private person and liked her space and patrol boats were small and not very private at all. She felt like an intruder and for once in her life she had no idea what to do.

As Mike introduced Kate, Chefo, Buffer and ET stood up the back together. The instant they saw the new blonde XO, they knew she was the girl from the pub.

Chefo leant in towards ET, "You know" he muttered, "This should make things interesting."

"How so?" ET replied.

"Well, think about it. What we saw the other night at the bar clearly shows that those two knew each other beforehand. Something has happened between those two and I intend to find out," Chefo replied.

Buffer chose this moment to intervene, "The two of you listen to me. What ever happened in their past, is just that, the past. Obviously it's a private matter or we would have heard something from the boss. So I suggest you keep your nose to yourself because you would be getting more than just a reprimand if you went sticking your nose into out commanding officers private lives."

Chefo smartly stayed quiet and ET couldn't help but laugh a bit at the way Chefo was just dealt with.

It wasn't long before they were underway and not long after leaving port that they apprehended an illegal fishing vessel. Kate had felt weak not being able to hold her stomach on the boat and had felt that she had lost any respect that the crew may have had for her in doing so. It had been even more embarrassing when Mike had publicly reminded her it was his ship. At this point in time, she felt like the world's biggest loser and wanted nothing more than to crawl up in her bed at home and disappear. But she was left to look after the marine biologist they had picked up and she had been left to her thoughts as the woman slept.

Being in such close quarters with Mike had stirred up feelings she thought she had buried years ago. It hurt to look at him because all she could see was her son's face. Yet she wanted nothing more than to be held in his arms, to forget everything that had happened between them.

_She stood over the sink watching her son, Daniel play with his blocks. She couldn't help but smile at the way he was so intently concentrating on building his little bridge. But as he added on another block, she saw that it wasn't going to hold and neither were the tears that would come after. It didn't take long. The bridge crumbled and the tears started to gather. She quickly moved away from the sink and gathered her son in her arms, trying to calm him before he started to scream._

"_Sshhh, sweetie. It's ok, we can build another one. Ssshhhh." He continued to make little sobbing noises and she felt she had narrowly avoided the screaming. She put him back down with his blocks and watched as he started to rebuild his bridge. The look of concentration covered his face again and she couldn't help but think of how much of Mike there was in him. A soft smile crossed her face at the thought of the two men in her life. Her life couldn't be anymore perfect._

She had to try to contain the tears at the thought of how quickly everything had been ripped away from her. She had lost her son and the only man who had ever meant anything to her. The sound of someone walking in made her quickly wipe her face. She looked up to see Swain checking on the biologist.

"How is she?"

Swain looked over to Kate, "Her breathing is a bit shallow. The sooner we get her to a hospital the better."

Kate nodded her head, distracted at her previous thoughts. She didn't notice Swain looking at her intently nor his question of whether or not she was alright.

"Sorry?" she asked, realising he had been speaking to her.

"Ma'am, are you ok? You seem quite out of it," he repeated.

Kate nodded her head, "I'm fine, just thinking."

Swain smiled before turning back to the biologist. She noticed the look of alarm that suddenly crossed his face, "She's not breathing."

Kate quickly moved over to the doctor and turned to Swain, "What would you like me to do?"

"CPR," Swain replied quickly.

Kate nodded before commencing CPR. Swain moved in quickly to start the breathing part. She didn't know how long they went for but eventually she felt Swain pull her away.

"Ma'am, there is nothing more we can do. She's dead."

Kate's head spun in déjà vu, as images from that day swam through her head.

_She watched as Mike pulled their son out of the little wading pool and started CPR._

"_Kate, call an ambulance now!"_

_She ran inside and tried to call an ambulance, her fingers shaking from the shock at what was happening. She somehow managed to give her details to the operator but couldn't remember how. She just stood and watched Mike trying to breathe life into their son. She remembered the paramedics coming and taking over from Mike, before moving their son into the back of the ambulance. She remembered the doctor coming out from the emergency room, the look on his face said it all. As he walked over to them, she felt herself starting to shake. She knew what was coming and she didn't want to hear it. He came up to them and started talking, "We did everything we could but there was nothing else we could really do. We are really sorry but unfortunately your son didn't make it."_

_She didn't remember listening to anything else he said. She just remembered the heart wrenching agony at knowing her son was gone. She was never going to see his little face smiling up at her or the adorable way he use to ask for things. She let out a sob and felt Mike's arms circle her and hold her tight. But not even that helped to take away the pain._

"No," she pulled away from Swain and moved back over to the doctor, "She can't die. She won't die, I won't let her."

She started CPR again. She wasn't going to let someone else suffer the way she did. Swain continued to pull her away, telling her there was nothing more they could do. She ignored him and continued, the lifeless face of the biologist staring at her every time she went to do compressions.

She didn't notice herself give up or the familiar embrace she was in. Nor did she notice the way he whispered in her ear, telling her the biologist was gone and that there was nothing more she could do. All she noticed was the way her lifeless eyes just stared at her, almost accusing her of not trying. An image of her son's lifeless body flashed through her minds eye and she couldn't take it anymore. She pulled away from Mike and ran out of the room. She ignored the way she was pushing past people, the need for fresh air overwhelming her. She finally reached the deck and broke down into sobs. She rested against the railing out the front, breathing in deep breaths, trying to control the sobs that were overwhelming her. She managed to control her tears when she heard Mike's voice behind her.

"Are you ok?"

She felt like yelling at him, telling him she wasn't, that by him just standing there he was putting her through immense pain. But all she did was just nod her head.

"Yeah. It was just, she was there on minute and gone the next."

They stood there in an awkward silence for a while, both knowing what she meant by the words.

Mike took a deep breath, "Kate listen..."

He didn't get much further as Nav interrupted him. He turned to her, but she had turned away and he could tell she was no longer listening. He knew what had her so shaken up, but in the state she was in, he didn't want to push her so he did the only thing he knew and turned and walked away.


	6. Chapter 6

Mike watched Kate leave after Jaffah's body had been taking off the ship. He knew that this had affected her, as had Lisa Holmes' death and just like when Daniel had died, she was bottling it all up. He had tried to help her time and time again after Daniel had died, but she only just pushed him away, much like she was doing now. However, this time she had an excuse other than that she was 'just fine'. He was her commanding officer and if any of the crew got wind of what had happened in their past then both their careers were down the toilet. He let out a sigh, he didn't want to have to go through this again with her but someone needed to talk to her.

_As Mike walked in through the door that night after having given another lecture at ADFA, he noticed how none of the lights were on nor was there any telltale sign that dinner was on. He walked through to the kitchen, looking for Kate but unable to find her. He looked in the lounge and their bedroom but was still unable to find her. There was really no other place to look except Daniel's room. Mike turned and headed towards the door, noticing that the door was ajar and the sliver of light coming through. He quietly opened the door and watched Kate sitting in the rocking chair, clutching Daniel's favourite toy, Sailor Bear, as she sobbed._

"_Oh Kate," he whispered. _

_He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms. He didn't know how long they were on the floor like that for but it seemed to be the only time she let him comfort her. It didn't take long though for Kate to put her walls back up._

"_Sorry," she muttered as she wiped away the remaining tears, "I didn't hear you come home. I'll go and get dinner started." _

_She turned and headed for the door when Mike's voice stopped her._

"_Kate," he pleaded, "Please let me in. Don't put your walls up on me. We're in this together."_

_She just stared at him before turning and walking out. He let out a sigh knowing that he would have to push to help her._

He let out a sigh before turning and heading back towards the ship to finish up a few things before he could head off home.

Kate let out a sigh as she flopped onto her couch, throwing her arm across her eyes to block out the light. But as she did so, images of Lisa Holmes staring at her, Jaffah's body under the flag and Daniel's pale face all flashed through her minds eye. She gasped and sat up; also knocking the bottle of vodka she had just bought, off the couch. She couldn't help but feel the guilt rise in her stomach. If she hadn't left Daniel alone, he wouldn't be dead. If she had tried a little harder to save Lisa Holmes, she wouldn't be dead. If she had maybe pushed harder with Mike to get Jaffah home, or even checked on him herself, he wouldn't be dead. Without a second thought she grabbed the bottle and tore the lid off before taking a big gulp. As the liquid travelled down her throat, it burned but it helped to take away the pain. She sat back and let it settle before taking another swig. Mike had offered to help her but she didn't need any help. She could handle this on her own, much like she had back then. Plus Mike was too busy with Ursula to help her. He wouldn't want to give any attention to her with that bitch constantly snooping around. She took another swig. She knew that when she did that 'faint', she was hitting on him. She let out another growl as she took another swig. She was probably just after a man that could keep her out of trouble when things started to get rough with Bright Island. She knows Ursula has something to do with it but Mike hasn't been willing to listen. He was so damn infatuated with her and wasn't even able to give her help. She yelled out in anger before throwing the bottle. The sound of glass smashing comforted her, but only for a second when she realised she had nothing to drink now. She stood up and went to leave but when she opened the door, she saw Mike standing there, ready to knock.

As Mike sat in his cabin, he knew that he shouldn't have let Kate leave on her own. With all the deaths that had occurred, on top of the fact he knew she wasn't over the death of Daniel either, he knew things would be building up inside her. Deciding he should go and check how she is, he got up to leave. As he headed off the ship, he heard a call from behind. He turned to see Nav running up behind him.

"Excuse me sir," she called.

"Yes Nav," he replied, annoyance clearly showing in his voice.

He knew that Kate needed him or at least someone at the moment and he didn't want to be held up by trivial matters.

"Uh, was just wondering Sir if you would be joining us at the pub tonight?"

He let out a sigh. She wanted to know if he was going to the pub when he should be with Kate, helping her.

"No Nav, I will not be going to the pub. I have some… ah… important matters to attend to," he replied briskly, before turning and leaving.

Mike was heading up the pathway to Kate's place when he heard a bottle smash inside. He started to run hoping nothing was wrong and was about to knock when the door opened. There stood Kate, still in her whites, which were quite crumpled. He could smell the scent of vodka on her too.

"What do you want?"

He was taken by surprise by her brisk and cold question, "I… ah… came to see if you were OK."

She rolled her eyes before replying, "I'm fine."

Before he could get another word in the door slammed in his face. That alone, plus the fact she was drinking vodka, told him she was not OK. He tried knocking, and stood there banging his fists on the door for the next half hour, but she still wouldn't let him in. He gave up, resigned to the fact he was not going to be able to help her. He left her place and headed for his own, hoping that maybe she might say something or even ask for his help when he sees her next.


	7. Chapter 7

Mike watched as Kate headed onboard

Mike watched as Kate headed onboard. From what he could see, she appeared to be fine, however he knew this was not the case. She had proven that for him the other night. He let out a sigh. He didn't want to bring it up, especially onboard, but if it would impact her work, he needed to know.

He stood in the bridge, waiting for her to come up, knowing she would any second. They had set off not too long ago but he hadn't seen her since he watched her walk onboard. That was unusual, considering she normally came to find out what was happening. He turned as the door opened and tried to hold back at smile at seeing her.

"X, Good morning," he greeted, trying to gauge her mood.

"Morning Sir," she replied professionally. It was all he needed to know she wasn't going to tell him much but he had to ask.

"X, I would like to see you in my cabin for a few minutes," he requested, trying to keep his voice calm and professional.

"Yes Sir," she turned and went to head out.

"Nav you have the ship," he quickly said before following.

"Aye Sir, I have the ship," was the last thing he heard before he left.

"Sir is there anything wrong?"

She was the first to break the silence. He stayed quiet for a moment, trying to work out what he would say. He let out a sigh.

"Well X. You tell me."

She looked confused, "Sorry Sir? I don't think I understand."

"Look Kate..."

"I've told you before, please don't call me that," she interrupted.

Mike nodded, knowing that he wouldn't get anything out of her on a personal level.

"Look X, about the other night."

"Sir, it was a tough time. What with Jaffah's death and all, it was just a release."

He shook his head, knowing it went deeper, "Look, I'm worried about you. I've seen the way these last few weeks have affected you and I need to know X if it will affect your work."

She looked surprised at his direct statement, but quickly shook it off.

"It was a once off Sir. It has not and will not affect my work," she replied briskly and quite coldly.

Mike knew this meant 'end of discussion'. He nodded his head, "Right then X. I suppose we had better get back to the bridge."

They had only just walked in when RO stuck his head up, "Sir, message from NAVCOM." Mike took the piece of paper and quickly scanned it.

"Nav, change of course. We're off to catch some illegal fisherman."

"_MIKE!!" _

_Kate's panicked cry quickly woke him from the quick nap he was having after work. He shot up from his bed and ran out to find a panicked Kate pulling their son's body out of the wading pool. He ran over and took Daniel from Kate. Never would he forget the way his son's body just hung limply in his arms. _

_He lowered him to the ground and turned to Kate, "Kate, call an ambulance, NOW!" _

_He watched her briefly as she just stared at Daniel before turning and running inside to the phone. Mike started CPR, unable to comprehend the fact that he was breathing life into his son. He didn't know how long he was going for. He didn't even notice the paramedics arrive until they pulled him away. He walked over to Kate and pulled her into his arms, comforting both of them by doing so. He couldn't really remember driving to the hospital or even the wait as the ER doctors worked on his son. He did remember though the doctors face as he walked out. Mike knew Daniel was dead. He didn't have time to let it sink in as Kate's distressed sob practically begged him to comfort her. And so he did. _

_She looked up at him, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears, "We've lost him Mike, we've lost him. It's all over."_

Mike shot up in his rack, the words repeating in his head. What did she mean by 'it's all over'. He had never dreamt this before. Maybe seeing her was bringing it all back. He shook his head to try to clear it but the words kept repeating in his head, "It's all over." He knew when he met her that she was very career orientated and that having Daniel had meant that for a while, she couldn't work. Surely she wouldn't have though, she loved Daniel, he knew that. His thoughts were interrupted by Spider knocking on his door.

"Oh, Sir. You're already awake. Uh... X wanted me to get you. I think they have something."

Mike nodded before quickly climbing out and putting his boots on.

When he got up to the deck, he noticed Kate standing there and the words came flooding back. He quickly dismissed the thought, knowing he needed to focus on work.

"ET, what have we got?"

Kate had noticed the way Mike's attitude toward her seemed to turn after they had apprehended the fishing vessel. Not only did he seem to stop prying for information, but also was willing to go ashore on Bright Island. It was something she didn't really understand. She let it go though, putting it down to one of the things that may have changed over the years. She sat up on the upper deck with Nav, watching the tinney go to shore. However, curiosity got the better of her and so she looked at who the passenger was through her binoculars.

"Now I know why he wanted to go himself," she said, turning and looking at Nav.

"Hmm," Nav appeared to be confused, before picking up her binoculars to take a look. She let out a gasp as she recognised Dr Ursula Morrell walking down the beach.

"Oh, he knew it was her all along." Kate looked at Nav, she had a wide smile on her face but Kate was shocked at the comment that came next.

"Naughty Mike."

Kate felt the green-eyed monster rear its head. Her blood boiled that he was so obviously attracted to someone else.

Nav's apology, "Sorry," startled her.

She didn't know that her jealousy was so obvious. She took another look through her binoculars just as Mike was helping Ursula into the tinney. She couldn't help but feel jealous, especially when not too long ago he was saying how worried he was about her. Not wanting to see anymore, she lowered her binoculars before turning to the radio to have the crew on standby to recover the tinney. She also noticed Nav's quick departure with the smirk on her face.

Mike couldn't help but feel slightly better in the company of Ursula. He was able to take his mind off his dream and sitting there having dinner with her and Nav was really helping to do so. However, Kate's entry into the room quickly brought back the memory of the dream. He watched the way she was acting. It seemed she was almost, jealous. Her quip of 'hardly' didn't go unnoticed by him either and he quickly threw her a look but wasn't surprised as she continued to cover up with telling Ursula about the FFV. He noticed Ursula seemed confused with the explanation and so he clarified it for her but Kate seemed determined to press on. He really noticed when she agreed to the fact it was frustrating to let the mother ship go, but he knew she wasn't talking about the mother ship when he saw the glare she gave Ursula. The awkward silence that followed was unbearable and he was thankful to Nav who broke the silence and whom he'd forgotten was there.

"Chefo's really excelled himself tonight. The scran's really good."

Her comment definitely broke the tension that was so obviously there. He had to censor Nav's explanation of what scran was but Ursula caught on.

"Ah, I see," she let out a laugh. However, Kate was quick to get back in on showing her dislike to the marine biologist.

"Don't let that put you off," she commented, before slamming the salad dressing down on Ursula's side of the table.

He saw the way Ursula reacted and knew that he had to get one of them out of there before a full on catfight started; and he knew who would win.

"X, aren't you officer of the watch this evening."

He hoped she would realise what she was doing, though he had no doubt she knew all along.

Her reply though was definitely a final quip, "Yes I'm sorry sir. I was enjoying myself so much I almost forgot I had somewhere else to be. Please excuse me."

He watched her as she picked up her dinner and briskly walked out.

"She's a bit lemon-lipped isn't she," Ursula said, which surprised Mike.

He quickly thought of a reply, "Please don't take it personally. The XO hates to see a nice boat get away. She's extremely dedicated."

He hoped this would explain her recent behaviour and destroy any inkling of an idea that might come up in Nav's head that there was something personal between them going on.

Kate walked back up to the bridge. She was angry. No she was damn well pissed off. She had seen the way Ursula was hitting on Mike. That no good…

"Argh," she growled out, surprising ET who was on the helm.

"Ah, ma'am. Is everything OK?" he asked cautiously.

"Fine ET. Just dandy," she replied sarcastically.

ET took this as his cue to be quiet and to stop asking questions. She turned as the door suddenly opened and Mike walked in.

"X, what the hell was that?" he asked angrily, not noticing ET at the helm.

"Nothing sir. Was just offering some conversation," Kate replied, too annoyed to deal with him.

Mike shook his head, "That was not conversation X. If I didn't know better I would have thought that you were…"

ET coughed, alerting Mike to his presence there.

"I'll continue this conversation with you later," he said before turning and heading out.

Kate glared at his back as he left, gaining some satisfaction from it.

Mike headed down to where Ursula was standing, wondering what she was doing on deck. They stood talking, making easy conversation. Eventually the topic of Lisa Holmes came up and how Ursula blamed herself.

"Don't blame yourself. I'm sure she made her own decisions," He said, hoping to comfort her. Her next comment surprised him.

"I bet you always make the right ones."

He looked away. There were some decisions that could have been made better, "Generally. Although I have had a few lapses here and there."

They stood there in silence. Kate's words came back to him, 'it's over,' and he couldn't help but think, was what he had with Kate a mistake?

Ursula's voice broke through his thoughts, "Have you ever made a… a really big mistake, something you totally regret but can't undo."

He thought for a minute, wondering if Kate had been a mistake. He couldn't say that though, not out loud.

"I don't… Well, I can't… Nothing professional immediately springs to mind," he said. Personally though, there were a lot of things he would probably change.

"I didn't think so. You're a genuine good guy," she nudged him and he couldn't help but laugh.

He noticed she was cold though and moved to warm her up a bit when he noticed a movement on the upper deck. It was Kate and he could see in her eyes that he had hurt her somehow. He hated the way he could almost hate her one minute and then look at her now and hate himself. She said her goodbyes before heading off down below deck. He sighed and moved away from Ursula.

Kate walked into her apartment, catching a glimpse of herself along the way. Her eye was hurting and her uniform was crinkled. She had bags under her eyes from nightmares and yet she didn't want to sleep. She had seen the way Mike had been with Ursula and his conversation with her cut through Kate like a knife. She knew that when he said he had no professional mistakes, he was covering the fact that he had personal ones. No doubt, she was one of them. The pain cut deep into her heart and she felt a tear slip down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away. There was no more crying for Mike and no more crying for Daniel. She would lock it all away and never think of it again. She knew of one way to dull the pain. She headed towards her liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of vodka before walking out of her apartment, heading back towards the base.

Buffer was walking along the lower deck checking to make sure everything was in order when he heard a noise come from the pier. He looked over to see what appeared to be an officer, stumbling along. He moved to go see when he noticed the officer was none other than the X. He knew this wasn't good especially since a lot of the junior crew, including Spider, Chefo and ET, were onboard. If any of them saw this, he knew the entire crew would know before the ship next set sail. He moved over to her quickly and kept his voice quiet.

"Ma'am," he put a hand on her arm, "Are you OK?"

She shrugged him off before turning on him. "I'm absolutely fine."

She swung a half empty bottle of vodka in his face, "Don't go sticking your nose into other people's business, especially your officers."

She turned and started walking but tripped. Buffer moved quickly to catch her.

She pushed him away and yelled at him, "Don't touch me. Just leave me alone. I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help."

Buffer watched as she took another swig of vodka. The fact she was raising her voice was bad enough but drinking right in front of him was worse. There was only one way to stop this.

"Ma'am, I think you have had enough. Maybe I should take this from you," he said, reaching for her hand with the bottle in it.

"NO!" she yelled before pulling her hand back violently, causing the bottle to slip from her hands. The sounds of shattering glass echoed around the pier.

She glared at him, "Now look at what you've done."

She pushed past him, the glass crunching under foot and stammered along the pier. Buffer ran after her, concerned for her safety.

"Ma'am, I really don't think it's safe for you to be walking around like this," he said, trying to reason with her.

She turned around to him and stumbled again, "Leave me alone Buffer."

"Look, why don't you come below and sleep it off. You'll feel better in the morning," he tried reasoning with her.

She started to get angry, "I said leave me alone Buffer. You have no right…"

She started to fall. Buffer quickly moved in to catch her.

"Ma'am? X? Wake up." She didn't move. Buffer picked her up and started to walk back to the ship. As he was walking onboard, ET walked out.

"Hey Buffer, what did you catch?" he asked with a laugh.

Buffer looked up at ET, "Call the boss and tell him to get here ASAP. He'll want to deal with this."

ET suddenly recognised who Buffer was carrying, "Buffer is that the XO?"

Buffer nodded his head, "ET, keep your mouth shut about this."

ET nodded his head before running inside to call Mike.

Mike was sitting down to dinner with Ursula when his phone rang.

He looked at Ursula, "Sorry, won't be long."

He quickly pulled out his phone and answered it, "Mike Flynn."

He was not expecting what he heard next, "Sir, it's ET. You better get to the Hammersley quick. Buffer's just walked on carrying X who was unconscious."

Mike's heart skipped a beat. He swore.

"Rightio ET. I'll be there in 15 minutes."

He hung up before turning to Ursula, "I'm sorry. I've got to get down to the ship. There has been an emergency."

Ursula shook her head with a smile, "That's fine. Raincheck?"

He nodded his head before rushing out.

Mike ran onto the Hamersley and ran straight into ET.

"Where is she?" he demanded.

ET pointed towards her cabin.

"Thanks," Mike said before rushing down to her cabin.

He walked in to find Buffer just standing there staring at her.

"Do you know what's wrong with her?" Mike asked, startling Buffer who turned around.

"Ah, too much to drink sir," he replied cautiously.

"What," Mike asked, his voice dropping dangerously low.

"I found her on the pier with a half empty bottle of vodka sir," Buffer replied, leaving out the fact she pushed him around and abused him. He knew she was in enough trouble as it was.

Mike shook his head, "Unbelievable. This has gone too far."

Buffer was confused, "Sorry sir?"

"Never mind. Look I'll take her back to her house. It will give her the opportunity to clean up tomorrow morning properly before I deal with her," Mike said, moving to pick her up.

As he slipped his hands underneath her, she let out a murmur.

"'s not my fault," was all she said.

He had no idea what it meant but he would be sure to ask in the morning. He left, giving Buffer a quick thanks before heading off to his car.

Buffer stood on the pier and watched the boss leave with an unconscious XO. He shook his head. There was a lot more to her than all of them originally thought. She clearly was not the perfect princess the crew had dubbed her as. He could also tell that there was a lot more going on between the CO and the XO than any normal professional relationship. Whatever it was, ran deep into their pasts.


	8. Chapter 8

_Kate stood, staring at Daniel's grave. They hadn't picked anything elaborate for his headstone, going instead for a plaque. His funeral hadn't been elaborate either. It was a simple ceremony, only some of their closest friends and family were present. She remembered the look on the faces of Mike's parents as they walked towards the couple. She remembered the tears as they said hello to them and offered their condolences, even though Daniel was their grandson. She remembered how she didn't stop crying that day. She was crying through the priest's prayers; through her own eulogy for Daniel, which she was hardly unable to say; she cried as they carried out his little white coffin to Circle of Life and lastly she cried as she threw her handful of dirt into the little hole that was to encase her son for eternity. She chocked back a sob as she remembered all these details, something she doubted she would ever forget. She felt an arm wrap around her waist in a familiar embrace._

"_Mike," she whispered. She rested herself against him, drawing comfort from him just being there. _

"_I just don't think I'll ever be able to get use to it," she whispered again, not wanting to disturb the moment. _

_Everything had been so complicated lately what with her working under him on the same boat and her habits of as lately. She just didn't know what to do anymore._

"_Kate, we need to talk," Mike said, breaking the comfortable silence._

_Kate was confused, "What about Mike?"_

"_What you said at the hospital, the day Daniel died, about how 'it's all over'. What did you mean by that?"_

_Kate looked up at him, his face was serious. "I don't know what you mean?"_

"_It's you fault isn't it?" Mike said, stepping away, his face contorted in anger._

_Kate was shocked, "What?"_

"_You killed him. It's you fault he's dead isn't it Kate," he continued._

_Kate stepped back, tears clouding her eyes, "You blame me?"_

"_Of course I blame you!" Mike yelled, "You bloody well killed him Kate!"_

_She started to shake uncontrollably. "No," she moaned. "No I didn't! It wasn't my fault." She continued to shake, everything around her going black._

She shot up in her rack, narrowly avoiding hitting her head on Nikki's bunk. She heard a gasp next to her and saw said owner of bunk on the floor.

"What are you doing on the floor?" Kate asked curiously.

"You scared the living daylights out of me when you woke up," Nikki replied. She stood up, "You must have been having some sort of a nightmare. You were rolling around and saying 'it's not my fault'."

Kate tried to remember her nightmare but for the life of her couldn't.

"What were you dreaming about anyway? Must have been something sad to have you crying," Nikki continued.

Kate shook her head, "I actually can't remember."

Nikki shrugged her shoulders, "Anyway, Captain wants to see you. He's in his cabin waiting. I think you're in a lot of trouble."

"Thanks Nav," Kate replied sarcastically, knowing very well it was about the other night. She quickly leapt out of her rack and threw her boots on before fixing up her hair and walking past Nikki towards Mike's cabin.

Kate stood outside Mike's cabin, ready to bear the brunt for her actions the other night. She took in a deep breath before knocking and walking in.

"Sir, you wanted to see me?"

He turned from his desk to look at her, "I'm not going to beat around the bush here X. I would like for you to see someone when we get back to port."

"Someone sir?" Kate asked, confused at who he meant by someone.

"Don't play coy with me Kate. I want you to see someone about your drinking, these recent deaths and," he took a breath, "maybe about Daniel as well."

Kate took a step back, "You want me to see a psychiatrist."

He nodded his head, "I think it's for the best."

"Who's best? Mine, because I'm telling you now, seeing a shrink is not going to help me," she yelled at him.

Mike stood up, hoping for her to see sense, "Look X. Last night, you showed up at the ship drunk. You had a bloody bottle of vodka in your hand. You passed out into the arms of one of the crew, who then had to ask one of the other crew to call me, whilst I was out enjoying myself, to come and deal with you. You may think it won't help you, but at least make things easier for everyone else. Patrol boats aren't very private Kate. I'm giving you the chance to keep your dignity and your job because you have no idea who is going to catch you next time."

Kate stood there shocked at what he had just said, unable to comprehend what he had just said. They stood in a tense silence, neither really knowing what to say anymore.

There was a knock and Nav stuck her head in, "Sir, we're about to hit a really big storm. What would you like to do?"

Mike gave a pointed glance towards Kate before replying to Nav, "I'll come up. So will X."

Nav nodded her head, glancing quickly at Kate, who still stood there silently. She moved to let Mike out and watched as Kate followed. She grabbed Kate's arm and pulled her back out of Mike's hearing.

"Are you OK?" Nav asked quickly.

Kate nodded her head, "Fine. We better get up to the bridge."

She walked away from Nav and headed for the door. Nav just watched her walk off. First there was the drinking, which ET had told her about, and then there was the nightmare and the constant awkwardness between Mike and Kate. She knew there was something going on and whatever it was, it was affecting Kate more than Mike.

Kate stood at the bar, unable to help herself laughing as Rick told another joke. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy and she couldn't help but feel attracted to him. He went to order her another drink and she was already on her third. She had thought about what Mike said and she knew she shouldn't be drinking much more but she was drinking with someone, not on her own. It couldn't hurt.

Mike walked into the pub hoping to catch up with the crew, however he arrived just as they all left. He looked over at the bar and saw Kate laughing with the captain of the Pacific Mariner. He couldn't help but feel a bit jealous. She had said from the start that she wanted his help but now it looked as though she didn't need his help. She had someone else. Maybe that had been her plan all along. She had said 'it's all over'. Without another look he stood up and walked out. She didn't need him.

Kate couldn't help but feel angry at Mike and Rick. Both of them had lied to her on numerous occasions and now they were chasing after the Pacific Mariner, with no mascot, to satisfy Mike's obsession with the currently missing Dr Morrell. She glared at him as he blatantly lied to Rick, telling him that the boarding party needed 'practice'. Although she wouldn't mind giving Rick a piece of her mind at the moment. Her plans went down the drain though as Mike told Buffer that he would be leading the boarding party onto the Pacific Mariner.

"Sir, that boarding party is mine by right," she told him, clearly pissed off.

He tried to tell her that he thought her judgment would be compromised which was a load of bull. It didn't take her long to get him to change his mind and before long she was on the RHIB on her way over to the Pacific Mariner.

Kate had never been more afraid for Miek then the moment ET yelled out, "X, fire!" As they rushed back to the Hammersley, her heart pounded in her chest, hoping that Mike was OK.

"Are you hurt?"

Kate couldn't help but feel scared that he was hurt, especially since he was covered in soot.

He turned and stared at her for a moment, "You shouldn't have come back without Ursula Morrell."

Kate felt jealousy stir within her again, "The ship was on fire."

She felt the tears coming. He didn't trust her. He didn't trust her to do her job properly.

She watched as his face contorted in anger, "She could be killed by that monster. Do you really want her death on your conscience?"

An image flashed through her mind.

"_It's you fault isn't it?" Mike said, stepping away, his face contorted in anger._

She took a step back, not knowing what it meant or what he was saying to her.

He continued though, anger getting the better of him, "Do you really want another death on your conscience Kate? First there is Lisa Holmes. Now Ursula could be the next to go. Two deaths already Kate can you handle another one?"

She looked at him in confusion, "Two deaths? There was only Lisa Holmes and I tried, I did but…"

"What about Daniel," he yelled.

The crew went still. This was a new name to them. None of them knew of a Daniel.

"What?" she whispered.

Mike took a step towards her, "You killed him."

The statement hit her like a blow. She fell to her knees, tears gathering in her eyes.

"What… No. I didn't…" she stumbled.

"Yes you did," he yelled at her, "You bloody killed him didn't you! You said to me at the hospital after the doctors told us he was dead that it was all over."

Kate shook her head, tears streaming down her face, "No…"

"Yes Kate. I know. You put him in the wading pool. Got rid of him and then push me away so you could get on with your career. We were a distraction and so you had to get rid of both of us. You killed him Kate. Your own flesh and blood, my own flesh and blood and you killed him."

Kate was sobbing. He blamed her. "No, I didn't. I swear."

He took another step towards her so he was towering over her. He thought he felt someone pull his arm back, telling him to stop. But he couldn't. The last few weeks of doubt took over.

"You killed him Kate. You killed our son."

She let out a scream, "NO! I didn't kill him. I didn't…"

She broke down into sobs, unable to pick herself off the ground. The crew stood there shocked at what had just happened. No one had ever seen the boss this angry or the XO so vulnerable. Nikki couldn't take it. She stepped past Mike and knelt down next to Kate.

"Kate, come on. Let's go down to your cabin," she helped Kate up and started to walk off with her but not before turning to look at Mike.

"You bastard," she said, hate dripping from her words but not wanting to disrespect her CO, quickly added, "Sir."

Everyone watched as Nikki and Kate walked off. Everyone was shocked, none more so than Swain. As an almost father himself, he didn't understand how Mike could blame Kate like that. Obviously the gossip about them having history was true, but no one knew it would be something like this. They had a son. The CO and XO had a son and now Mike was blaming Kate for his death. It wasn't right.

"Sir?" Swain asked cautiously, not knowing how Mike would react.

He prepared for himself to be ignored or yelled at but not for the dejected voice that replied.

"I know Swain," Mike said. "I shouldn't have said that. It wasn't fair on her."

"Sir, you have to realise that losing a child would have been hard on both of you. You should have at least asked X what she meant by the 'it's all over' comment," Swain continued.

Mike nodded, "I know Swain."

"You have no idea how much she might have been hurting over this. To just go and presume it was her fault. To go and just doubt her job skills, her parenting skills. It's not fair on her!" Swain said.

Mike whirled, "I KNOW Swain! I know alright."

He brushed his hand through his hair and looked in the direction Kate left.

"God, what have I done?"

Nikki stood in the doorway, making sure no one walked in, as Kate lay on her bed, sobbing and clutching a teddy bear.

She walked over and sat down next to her, not really what to sure what to say to comfort her.

She laid a hand on her arm, "Kate, maybe you should do and talk to him."

All she got in reply was a shake of the head.

Nikki let out a sigh, "Look, you're not going to sort any of this out unless you talk to him. What he said was rude and uncalled for, but you're going to keep feeling like this unless you do something."

"You don't understand," Kate mumbled in reply.

Nikki let out a sigh, "Well then help me to. I've seen the way you look at him and the way you two interact. There is no way you guys aren't meant to be together. I don't know what happened between you two or who Daniel is but surely you can work it out?"

Kate looked up at Nikki and for the first time since the fight, Nikki saw just how much she was hurting.

"We didn't know it would go that far. It just started out as a drink and then things went further and before we knew it we were in a relationship. I was going to end things with him once we hit about 6 months because it was too risky. Both of us could have lost our careers and well I had a degree to fall back on but Mike didn't. I didn't want to have that on my conscience. Although fate had other things in mind. I hadn't been feeling well for a few weeks and so I went to the doctor and found out I was pregnant. I didn't know what to do though then. I had no idea whether or not I should tell Mike or just break it off and leave him. Problem was he found out the results."

_Mike opened the door to Kate's apartment with the key he had, half expecting her to be there. She wasn't though. He looked at his watch and knew she would be home soon so he walked into the kitchen to fix himself a glass of water. He was just looking around her kitchen when he noticed a letter on the bench. He wasn't going to look at it but curiosity got the better of him when he noticed it was from a doctor. He picked it up and skimmed over it, words jumping out at him. He couldn't believe it. She was just over 2 months pregnant and hadn't told him. He heard the door open and turned as she walked into the kitchen._

"_Mike?" Kate was shocked to see him there and quickly checked her watch. He was meant to be another half an hour._

"_What are you doing here?"_

_He glared at her, "I thought I'd surprise you and come early but it appears you have your own surprises."_

_It was then Kate noticed the letter he was clutching, "Mike."_

"_Were you going to tell me?" He asked pain evident in his voice._

_Kate didn't know what to say, "Yes… No… I don't know. I hadn't really planned that far ahead yet. It's still sinking in."_

"_Well when did you find out?" He pushed._

"_Yesterday," she mumbled._

_He let out a sigh. It was unfair to treat her harshly when she had only just found out. Kate looked at him when he sighed. She didn't know what she was going to do and it was written all over her face. Mike walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. She needed it, needed to feel reassured by him._

"_Kate, I want to stay in your life and the baby's. We'll do this together. Don't think you have to do this on your own"_

Kate looked at Nikki. "Everything seemed so perfect. I moved into his apartment and we managed to keep things quiet." A small smile crossed her face, "He got so protective of me over those 9 months. It got annoying but he was just so cute I didn't have the heart to tell him to stop smothering me."

Nikki gave a little laugh imagining an overprotective Mike.

Kate continued, "He wasn't there the day Daniel was born though. He was sent out on the Hammersley actually before he took over the position of CO. I can't remember the reason why. Anyway I can remember the look on his face when he first saw Daniel. I don't think I've ever seen him cry before, but this time he did. It wasn't much, just a tear or two, but he still cried. Things just seemed so perfect. We managed to work it that I wouldn't have to take any time off and neither did he."

A knock at the door interrupted Kate. Nikki stood up and walked over to see who it was.

Buffer was taking back weapons from the boarding party when he realised Kate still had hers.

"Great," he muttered. He really did not want to have to deal with an upset woman. He couldn't handle all the hormones. He stuck his head out and saw Swain walking past. Swain had a pregnant wife, a very hormonal pregnant wife. A smirk crossed his face.

"Hey Swain?" Buffer called.

Swain turned around, "Yeah Buffer what do you need?"

"X still has her handgun. I was wondering if you could go and get it back for me." Buffer asked.

Swain nodded his head, knowing why Buffer asked him but not willing to fight it, "Won't be long."

Nikki was surprised to see Swain standing at the door, "Swain, what can I do for you?"

Swain tried to look past to see if Kate was alright but Nikki moved to block his view.

"Ah… X still has her handgun and Buffer is locking them away so I need to get hers," Swain replied quickly.

Nikki nodded before moving back. She walked over to Kate, "Ah, Kate. I need your handgun. Buffer is locking them away."

Kate nodded and pulled it out of the holster, "Forgot it was on there."

"You had every right too," Nikki said taking it. She moved back over to the door and handed the gun over to Swain. "Here you go."

Swain tried to look past again, "How is she?"

Nikki looked at him weirdly, "How do you think she is? What the boss said to her was unfair and uncalled for and he had absolutely no right to say it."

Swain nodded his head, "I said the same thing to him."

Nikki looked shocked, "You did?"

He nodded, "Yeah. He seems pretty guilty over it. I don't know if he'll come and apologise though. You know how the boss gets proud."

Nikki nodded.

"Anyway, I better get this back to Buffer before he gets antsy," He gave a quick smile to Nikki before walking off.

Nikki turned around and sat down next to Kate. She saw fresh tears falling down her face and couldn't help but pull her into a hug, "Oh Kate."

"Everything just fell apart after Daniel died," Kate sobbed. "I was cooking up dinner and Mike had gotten home and went to have a quick sleep because it had been a long day. The pasta had started to burn and I turned away from him for a few minutes. I didn't even hear a splash but I looked for him and found him in the pool. I called out to Mike and he came out and started CPR and got me to call an ambulance."

She stopped as the tears took over and she sobbed. Nikki didn't need to be told anymore. The paramedics would have taken him to the hospital where he would have been pronounced dead. It didn't take long for the crying to stop but when Nikki looked she noticed Kate had cried herself to sleep. She moved off the rack, not wanting to wake her when someone knocked at the door. She walked over and opened it and saw Mike standing there. Nikki walked out, shutting the door behind her.

"You've got real balls coming here Sir," she said to him, not caring about the consequences.

"How is she? Is she OK?" Mike asked concern evident in his voice.

Nikki didn't care though, "How can you ask if she is okay after what you said to her. You blamed her for killing your own child. As if any mother would do that! She has just cried herself to sleep clutching a teddy bear!"

Mike's face lit up in recognition. "Sailor Bear," he whispered.

"You will have to do a lot of begging to get back into her good books and even then I doubt she will fully forgive you."

Nikki glared at him for good measure before turning and walking back into her cabin, slamming the door in Mike's face.

Mike was shocked, but knew he deserved it. He headed back to his cabin dejectedly, thinking up of ways of getting across to Kate just how sorry he was.


	9. Chapter 9

Kate opened the door and let Nikki into her apartment. Nikki's eyes went widened as she looked around Kate's apartment. "This is a nice place you got here."

Kate laughed, "Thanks. It does the job. Um… you can put your stuff in the guest room if you like. Second door on the right down that hall."

Nikki followed Kate's finger and headed down the hall. She walked past a couple of photos but noticed there weren't many in Kate's apartment. Most of them were of Kate whilst she was at ADFA, from what Nikki could tell. She put her stuff on the bed in the guest room and headed back towards the kitchen. She was glad that Kate took her up on her offer of a 'girls night' knowing that after the incident a few weeks ago that Kate just needed some time to relax and to chill. The entire crew were wary of the tension that still existed between the CO and Kate but no one was willing to say or do anything about it. It was between the two and even though they had done nothing to sort it, no one was willing to say anything. The entire crew were just thankful it wasn't interfering with their work.

She walked into the kitchen and moved to help Kate with dinner, "Here, I'll give you a hand."

Kate shook her head, "No, don't worry about it. Sit down. There are some drinks in the fridge."

Nikki shrugged her shoulders and grabbed a beer from the fridge before sitting down at the table. She wasn't to sure as to whether or not she should bring up the topic about Mike or Daniel. She was contemplating what she should say when Kate beat her to it.

"You know, he had absolutely no right to say what he said to me. He was just as much to blame for it happening as I was. He went to sleep for gods sakes. It wouldn't have killed him to watch Daniel whilst I cooked dinner or to even have taken him for his bath."

Nikki watched as Kate slumped over the bench after finishing her rant.

"Kate," she walked up behind her, "Maybe you should try talking to Mike otherwise it's going to keep on getting to you."

Kate turned around, "I just… I just don't know what to say to him. I mean he blamed me for Daniels death. What do you say to someone who does that?"

Nikki had no idea what to say to comfort Kate. She had never been in this position before. The smell of something burning pulled both of them out of their thoughts though.

"What's that?" asked Nikki, looking around the kitchen.

Kate shrugged, "I don't know but it smells like… chicken!" She ran over to the oven and pulled out two pieces of chicken.

She held them out to Nikki, "You in the mood for some crispy charcoal chicken?"

Nikki laughed, "How about we just order some pizzas instead?"

Kate nodded her head in agreement, "Now if I can just find the number." She started to look around when Nikki beat her too it.

"8941 7500."

Kate raised an eyebrow at her and Nikki shrugged.

"I get pizza a lot. Don't how to cook really."

Kate just laughed as she dialled the number. As she was ordering the pizzas, Nikki started to look at a few photos in the lounge room. She noticed one photo of Kate holding a child. She couldn't help but smile a little at the look on Kate' face.

"That's my favourite photo. It was just after he was born. About 5 weeks old there," Kate said behind her. Nikki jumped in surprise.

"Is that the only photo you have of him?" she asked.

Kate shook her head, "I have a whole album. Do you want to see it whilst we wait for the pizzas?"

Nikki nodded her head, "Sure, I'd love to."

Kate ran off to find it but Nikki didn't have to wait long for her to return. She came back holding a light blue album with a picture of a clown on the front and the words, 'My First Photo Album'. She sat down next to Nikki and opened the photo album and started to show Nikki the photos. They came to a photo where Mike was holding Daniel.

"He looks so…. Happy," Nikki said, surprised at the look on Mike's face.

"Everything was so perfect back then. You know we were going to get married," Kate said, watching the look of shock that crossed Nikki's face. They flipped to a page where there was a photo of Mike, Kate and Daniel all together.

"You look like the perfect family," Nikki said. She turned to look at Kate, "Have you ever considered that you might get back together with Mike?"

Kate gave a short laugh, "It's a bit hard now isn't it."

Nikki just shrugged her shoulders, "Well, the Hammersley will be decommissioned soon. Who knows what could happen after that?"

Nikki continued to flip through the photo album, looking at the various photos of Mike, Kate and Daniel. She reached the end and the few photos from the funeral.

"Oh," Nikki said, surprised at the photos, "If you don't mind me asking, where did you bury him?"

Kate looked shocked at the question but still answered, "At the Thorak cemetery. Why?"

Nikki shrugged, "Was just wondering."

Kate opened her mouth to say something when the doorbell interrupted, "That'll be the pizzas."

She stood up, grabbed her wallet off the table and opened the door. She started to fish for money, "How much will that be?"

She looked up, expecting to see the pizza man, not Mike.

Her face darkened in anger, "What do you want?"

"I…" he looked at her and saw the anger in her eyes, "Kate, I think we need to talk."

Kate just glared at him, "I think you said all you needed to on the boat."

"Kate," Mike pleaded with her.

He wanted to clear the air so that they could actually work together.

"No Mike. You know what, just leave. I can't handle having you here or even in my life at the moment so outside of work I don't want to see you, speak to you or answer any of your calls unless they're work related," she yelled at him before slamming the door in his face. She turned and looked at Nikki who had a shocked look on her face.

"What?" Kate asked.

"When I said maybe you need to talk to him, I didn't mean it like that," Nikki said.

Kate shrugged her shoulders, "Not my problem. Hey you want to get drunk. I think I need something to just forget all this."

Nikki looked unsure, "I don't know. We could be tasked at any moment and I don't think it would look good if two of the officers showed up drunk."

Kate gave a laugh, "Come on. Live a little on the wild side."

Nikki still looked unsure but gave in, "I suppose it won't hurt." She silently sent a prayer that they wouldn't be tasked.

4:40am Next Morning.

Kate let out a groan as she rolled over on her bed, wondering what the hell had woken her up. She looked at her clock and saw 4:30 blinking back at her. She heard her phone ringing again and cursed whoever had the guts to call at this time in the morning. She sat up and stretched out before reaching over and grabbing the phone from next to her bed.

"Hello?" she said groggily.

"X, It's Mike. We set sail in one hour."

Kate had barely the chance to say OK before he hung up on her. She looked at the phone and couldn't help but think, 'Aren't I the one that's meant to be angry?' She shook it off before going and waking Nikki.

8:00am HMAS Hammersley.

Kate and Nikki had only just made it onto the ship before it set sail. No one onboard seemed to have any idea where they were going or why there were feds onboard and so it was the first thing Kate set out to do once they were underway. She walked into the bridge to see Mike standing there talking to two feds. He reintroduced Murphy and introduced his new partner, Martina Royce. She said a brief hello before asking what they were doing. When he responded that they were after the Pacific Mariner she couldn't help but feel excited at the thought of finally getting some revenge on Rick. However her balloon was soon burst at Mike's mention of Ursula Morrell. She couldn't help but feel even angrier when he said she ended up at his place. She couldn't help but feel slightly happy when Murphy mentioned she was on the Pacific Mariner and that she was in danger but she quickly buried it when she realised that ultimately their task was to stop the Pacific Mariner and to get Ursula Morrell back.

She headed out of the bridge not long after and went in search for Nikki. She needed a good rant and needed one now. She searched everywhere for her but couldn't find her.

"How many places are there to hide on a ship this small," she muttered under her breath.

She was about to ask if anyone had seen her when she was called back to the bridge, where she found Nikki. But before she knew it, she was on her way over to Bright Island.

After an unsuccessful trip to Bright Island, Kate soon found herself sitting next to Mike and opposite the feds discussing where the Pacific Mariner might be. After the feds left to tell the rest of their team what was happening, Kate soon found herself in an awkward silence with Mike. She didn't know where the words came from, whether it was from concern for Dr Morrell or if she wanted to comfort Mike, but she soon found herself saying them.

"She could still be alive."

She knew he didn't look at her when he responded, "She made some wrong choices," and that hurt her, making her think that he didn't even treat her as a friend. His next words however, confused her.

"But, then, we all do."

She didn't know whether he was apologising or what. Thinking back she remembered how she pushed him away.

"Yeah, we do," she responded. They sat there awkwardly again and she couldn't bear it.

"Excuse me," she muttered standing up.

He stood up to let her out and she quickly walked out of the room, not knowing what else to do.

Mike couldn't believe he said that they all make some wrong choices. His mouth moved before his brain. He knew it was meant to be some sort of an apology for what he said the other day, although he knew that it wouldn't cut it, especially with Kate. He was slightly surprised when she replied to his comment and wondered what she was thinking about. They sat in an awkward silence and Mike was trying to think of something to say. Nothing was coming to mind though and soon enough Kate stood up to leave. He watched her walk out and mentally hit himself for his stupidity. He never should have walked out on her or gotten involved with Ursula or said what he said to her. He had to make it right somehow. However, his thoughts were lost in the upcoming excitement of finally catching up to Gallagher.

Kate stood their, anger coursing through her veins as she held the gun on Gallagher. She wanted to shoot him and couldn't stop the thought of what happened to Ursula Morrell. The woman was a menace to her life and frankly she didn't care what happened to her. Her anger turned to Mike though when he told her to stand down. She was reluctant too but the discipline in her kicked in when he said that it was an order. She listened to the word tennis between Mike and Rick and couldn't help but feel a surge of revenge when Mike told her to reacquire target. However it was short lived when the door to the bridge burst open and Rick's gun went off. The next few seconds were of blinding pain. She couldn't think of anything past the wound that was in her arm or the pain that was causing it. She looked at the amount of blood on her hand and felt queasy. She heard Mike's voice, asking if she was ok.

She responded automatically with, "I'm fine."

She knew though that Mike knew she wouldn't be and soon found him asking for Swain to check her. As Mike applied pressure to her arm, she couldn't help but hiss in pain. He knew how to take her mind off it though.

"Those frigates need all the help they can get," he said to her. She gave a little laugh but still couldn't ignore the pain.

"Kate," he whispered to her, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said any of the things I said to you. I didn't mean them, I was just angry and stressed and had been having nightmares. I don't blame you for his death. I never could do that."

She gave him a weak smile and was about to respond when Swain came behind him, "Sir, I'll take care of her now."

Mike nodded his head, "Make sure you do."

Swain gave a little smile at the tone of Mike's voice. There was just a hint of protectiveness in it and Swain hoped that Mike would realise it soon.

As they headed off the ship, Kate couldn't help but feel happy at the way Mike was insisting that he come visit her. She knew though that she wouldn't be in the hospital overnight and was most likely going to join the crew at the pub for celebratory drinks after.

As she watched Mike head for the black van that she knew held Ursula, she couldn't stop the feeling of jealousy that sprung up again.

As Mike watched the black van drive off, he couldn't help the thought that he'd just had an epiphany. In saying good-bye to Ursula, he had realised that he had never really like her in the way that he thought he did. He realised that what he felt was nothing more than the equivalent of a schoolboy crush. He shook his head and thought he might go home for some much needed rest.

Mike headed into the pub and looked around for the crew. He saw them over by their regular tables, all with drinks in their hands. He couldn't help the little chuckle that came out of his mouth at the sight of them. He headed over, knowing a toast was needed and wouldn't be done till everyone was there. As he was handed a drink from Buffer, he looked around to see if he could find Kate. It didn't take him long. She was standing with Nikki, holding an orange juice. He wanted to talk to her, no, needed to talk to her. There was so much he had to say.

His thoughts were interrupted by Chefo calling out, "Speech! Speech!"

Mike smiled at the crew, "Well, what can I say to you lot. I will definitely be looking for another crew to serve with!"

There was a loud cheer at this. Mike just laughed.

"Well it has most certainly been an honour to serve with you all and a captain couldn't ask for a better crew, or a boat. As we stand here tonight, the last night before the Hammersley is decommissioned, I raise my glass to both you lot and to the old girl."

Mike raised his glass and the crew followed. "To Hammersley," echoed throughout the pub. He watched Kate walk outside onto the balcony after the toast and he knew that this was his chance to talk to her.

He stood against the door frame and watched her. The way the moonlight hit her hair made her even more beautiful as music from the jukebox wafted outside.

_Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Love Me All The Time_

_Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Way I Love You_

_Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Pulled Me Out Of Time_

_And Hung Me On A Line_

_Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way I Really Need You_

Kate couldn't help but let her thoughts drift to Mike. After being so near to him these last 6 months, she didn't think she could leave him again. It had been so hard getting used to him not being there back when they were together. She had missed him and the way he used to hold her and kiss her. She knew there would never be another man who could comfort her the way he did. Although she hadn't experienced it whilst serving with him, she had only needed to look at him or hear his voice to calm her need for him.

_Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe I'm A Lonely Girl_

_Who's In The Middle Of Something_

_That She Doesn't Really Understand_

_Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe You're The Only Man_

_Who Could Ever Help Me_

_Baby Won't You Help Me Understand_

Mike walked up behind Kate and leant against the railing next to her. He followed her gaze out to where the moon was reflected on the ocean.

He brought his eyes back to her face, "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

She jumped slightly, not hearing him come up but nodded in reply. A soft smile crossed his face as he continued to gaze at her. He remembered back to the times when they use to sit on the beach and just talk. He loved listening to the sound of her voice and would listen to it forever. He was brought out of his thoughts by Kate.

"What?" he asked.

"You just said something, I didn't catch it," she said to him.

"Oh… I… it was nothing," he murmured, not having the courage to speak what was really going on in his mind. He let out a sigh. He had to do it otherwise she might leave him forever.

He turned to her, "Kate, there are some things that I really need to say to you and suppose it's now or never. I love you Kate. I never stopped loving you and I would be lying if I said I never hated myself for leaving you. One of my biggest regrets is not trying to work things through with you because god knows where we would be now if we had. I wish I hadn't left and I know I can't undo the past or what I did to you."

He fished into his pocket and pulled out the ring he had given her five years ago.

"However, we can only move on now and I hope that we can move on together. I want you in my life Kate. I can't imagine my future without you. Please Kate, marry me, again?"

_Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe I'm A Lonely Girl_

_Who's In The Middle Of Something_

_That She Doesn't Really Understand_

_Maybe I'm A Girl And Maybe You're The Only Man_

_Who Could Ever Help Me_

_Baby Won't You Help Me Understand_

Kate stood shocked. She hadn't expected this, maybe an apology, but definitely not another proposal. She didn't know what to say. The last six months had been so turbulent, she had no idea what it was she was feeling.

_Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You're With Me All The Time_

_Maybe I'm Afraid Of The Way I Leave You_

_Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way You Help Me Sing My Song_

_Right Me When I'm Wrong_

_Maybe I'm Amazed At The Way I Really Need You_

As she looked at him, and into his eyes, she realised she would never love anyone the way she loved Mike. A smile crossed her face as she nodded her head.

She let out a childish giggle as she said, "Yes Mike, I will."

He couldn't help the goofy grin that crossed his face. He slipped the ring onto her finger and pulled her into a kiss, their first in over 5 years, neither noticing the presence in the doorway.

Nikki couldn't help but let out a smile. They had finally realised their feelings for each other and now there would be a wedding on the way. She walked back inside, the grin sticking on her face causing some attention. Chefo was the first to notice.

"What are you grinning about Nav?"

Nikki shook her head, "Nothing you need to know about Chefo."

He looked at her strangely but she just smiled in return.

After the decommissioning.

Nikki watched Kate and Mike trying to explain their current situation to Commander Marshall. She couldn't help but laugh at the look of shock on Marshall's face or the way Mike and Kate were pleading with him. She only hoped things worked out and they wouldn't get in trouble for their relatively new relationship. She remembered she had something to do and was just leaving when she heard a voice behind her.

"Nikki!"

She turned to see ET running up behind her, "ET, what can I do for you?"

"I was wondering you were up to doing anything tonight?"

She couldn't help but let out a little laugh at the nervous look on his face. She shook her head, "No Josh, I'm not. What did you have in mind?"

He smiled, "Couple of movies and some pizza at my house?" His face dawned in realisation, "You just called me Josh!"

She laughed, "And you called me Nikki. What else was I meant to call you? Pizza and a movie sound perfect, there's just something I have to do first."

A confused look crossed his face, but he trusted her, "Ok. I'll see you about 6 then?"

She nodded her head, "I'll see you about 6 then."

Nikki wondered down aisle after aisle, hoping she might soon find the plaque she was looking for. She was about to give up when it caught her eye. She headed over to it and read the name on the plaque.

_Daniel Michael Flynn_

She bent down and lay a single, white rose underneath the plaque.

"Daniel, you have two parents who love you very much," she whispered. She turned and headed away, but not before looking to the horizon where the sun was setting behind the clouds.

"And they're lucky to have their little angel watching over them," she whispered.


End file.
